What do you think?

Today I wrote this poem. And I really dont know what to think about it.

First version:

The music plays
a casual background song
that I've heard many times before.
But when I stop reading or talking
stop to think
the music wraps me in its spell
and my mind is free to wander.
Cliche's dont seem so bad,
tragedies seem romantic,
and all is wonderful in this world of mine.
My words dance
as they start to flow across the page
my heart soaring as the music sings.
And then
the music starts to fade
I grasp at the last notes
but already the air seems stale
my words harsh
and the real worlds glares at me
in muted colors.
All is silent and I feel like crumpeling the page
for with the glory of the music
has flown my inspiration.
Then the next song starts...

So then I tried to re-write it, turning up with a very strange very different second draft. The beginning of it each verse kind of does its own thing, but to somewhat of a pattern. Then the end is pretty much like the first end. But which do you like better?

Music plays,
in the background,
it distracts
me from my book,
draws me in,
the notes bind me,
and I am
under its spell.

My heart soars with the crecendo
my pen flies across the page,
words alive they dance to music
music full of joy and rage.

I feel like singing
I feel like shouting
I feel like writing
it all down,
all the soppy lines
all the crazy lines
and the ones that
do not rhyme - at all.

And then
the music starts to fade
I grasp at the last
dwindling notes
but already the air seems stale,
my words harsh,
and the real world glares at me
in muted colors.
It feels like my heart
will never sing again.
And then the next song starts...

??
Kelia

Experimenting Poem

I've been thinking a lot about pattern and rhythym in poetry and all that stuff. So this afternoon I wrote this poem. I'd like to know, can you see the pattern? Does it really have a pattern? It's free verse.

March

The trees quiver with unseen wind
Their arms flailing against the blue, blue sky
A blue thats icy paleness
Startles me awake
Every time I look outside.

The sun prepares for spring
The wind ravaging against the change
Clinging tight to winters hold
On this cold
Unchanging world.

This was my original second verse:

The sun is getting stronger
As it creeps up on spring
But the wind ravages against the change
And clings tight
To winters hold on the world.

Kelia

Poem

Here is the poem I wrote the day before my birthday. I was doing it for the number of syllables in a line.

Ages

Old years
young years
every year in between
children
play away
the days of their youth,
Gray heads
light heads
every shade in between
pre-teens
caught between
fantasies and facts.
Wise eyes
wide eyes
try to look in between
years that
seperate
flying from a crash,
Soft words
loud words
every noise in between
moods change
and you find
that this year's the next.

Kelia

Here is another poem I wrote recently, I'm not going to go in order anymore I'll just do what I feel like. So I really like this poem but if there's any way I could make it better...?

The piano sits across the room
its cover closed so as to think its sleeping.
But I can still hear an echo of the song
feel the smooth keys beneath my fingures
and that quiet peace is still there.
A peace like the sunset
or rain on a summers eve,
a peace like the sea and the
clear, blue sky.
Its like trying to catch mist
or holding light in your hands,
describing peace.
Its one of the few things that poetry
cannot put into words.
And so we come back to music
time and time again
songs that make us feel wonderful
and in the depths of despair.
But always the peace is there.
The piano is still closed - apparently sleeping.
but all around it - I can see it clearly now -
are not the echoes of songs, but joy.

Kelia

An introduction of sorts

Hello all people who will be reading this! This is a blog for my poems. At the new year I challenged myself to write one a week, which so far I have kept. But I'd like people to read them and give me advice, because I really dont know if they're good or not. So thanks!

The title of the blog is very random, I just did the first thing that popped into my head. But it is related, when I was little I wanted to write a book of poems and have it be called To Live in a Rainbow. No idea why! But here it is on my blog now.

So here is the first poem I wrote in the new year. It was kind of based on a memory, all advice is appreciated.

Afternoon light streamed down through the trees
and rested lightly on me, perched on a rail,
surveying the yard like a new vantage point
made me a queen.

But the light made me look up--
Golden light that shone in beams among the green leaves
light that turned the whole world into a place
of magic and well being.

The crunch of my apple was the only sound
but no, there was more. The wind in the trees,
the chirping of birds filled the place with the
unmistakable sound of joy.

If I had been hurrying to the car or quickly
or doing some chore or other, I would have missed it.
Missed this moment, in a war torn world, of peace.
And if I would let my heart reflect that peace
that came with the light, I would have peace too.


Thank you!
Kelia