Saturday, March 22, 2008

Experimenting Poem

I've been thinking a lot about pattern and rhythym in poetry and all that stuff. So this afternoon I wrote this poem. I'd like to know, can you see the pattern? Does it really have a pattern? It's free verse.


The trees quiver with unseen wind
Their arms flailing against the blue, blue sky
A blue thats icy paleness
Startles me awake
Every time I look outside.

The sun prepares for spring
The wind ravaging against the change
Clinging tight to winters hold
On this cold
Unchanging world.

This was my original second verse:

The sun is getting stronger
As it creeps up on spring
But the wind ravages against the change
And clings tight
To winters hold on the world.



Steve Ingraham said...

I like the image here...and the meaning you have attached to it.

I like the second verse...the rhyme is tight and works well to tie the lines, along with the 'w"s in winter and world.

However: is "ravaging" the word you want? Look it up, You might mean raving.

The same in the first verse.

Also, I see the image you are trying for with the trees...but "quiver"?? is that right, especially paired with "flailing" in the next line? And is the wind really unseen?

What pattern were you trying for in the first verse?

KrazyK said...

Thanks! You're right about ravaging, I'll do raging instead.

I wasnt trying for a pattern in the first verse, with the first and original second verse I just wrote down my thoughts and then rewrote the second verse to kind of echo the pattern of the first.

I'll think about the quiver... I cant really think of another word instead of it.